Who is worse? (Ezzy's Education: Part 26), by Garrett Murch
“Why didn’t you run for student body president, Link?” Ezzy’s father asked.
“Ha!” Link said, standing below the large brook trout mounted on the pine wall of the Bello family cabin. “I have no charisma, Mr. Bello.” He crossed his feet.
“I don’t know, young man, you complimented our camp like a professional—a politician, even. And you can call me Mateo.”
Ezzy smiled at them. Maybe Link can be the son my dad never had. Fly fishing and camp create bonds. “Dad,” she said, “Link is the most popular boy at Ebbing who takes AP English, which doesn’t necessarily mean he’s all that popular.”
“Don’t let her pick on you,” Ezzy’s father said. He grinned.
“Oh, I don’t.” Link looked at Ezzy and asked, “Your bathroom?”
“The outhouse is across the driveway. You’ll want a headlamp.”
“I’ve got one right here. Excuse me.” Link hurried outside.
“Ezzy,” her father said, almost whispering. “Be good. He seems like a nice kid. You shouldn’t hurt him.”
“I told him.” Ezzy smiled.
“You told him that—”
She cut her father off. “Yes, that. I told him. He’s fine with it. I’m going to try and set him up with a girl at school, too. She’s the homecoming queen.”
A smile took over her father’s face. “Well done, Ezzy. I’m proud of you. Wow.”
“It was nothing. It felt good.”
When Link returned from the outhouse, Mateo asked him, “So Link, why are you and my daughter here escaping the world’s troubles while your classmates are stuck deciding between these two model citizens, Trunk and Lucinda?” He crossed his legs while leaning back in the old, brown leather camp recliner in the corner of the room.
“Why would we want to do that when we could do this?” Ezzy said, pointing around the camp.
“I wonder how the football game went,” Link said.
“I wonder how the party is going,” Ezzy said. Link and Ezzy laughed.
“Let me guess,” Link said. “Kelile’s blocking made it easy for Trunk to have another good game. Trunk posted on InstaTok he’s the best ever and how he’s going to win the most votes but not win the election.”
“Win but not win?” Mateo asked.
“Trunk,” Ezzy said, “is going around telling people Lucinda Barron has a secret way she is going to manipulate the vote count so no matter what, she wins. He’s offered no evidence of Lucinda’s supposed plan.”
“Surely the evidence exists,” Mateo said. “I wonder why Trunk is hiding it from you?” They all laughed.
“I bet Kayla Jennings is at the party, Link,” Ezzy said. “Dad, the homecoming queen has a crush on Link.”
“She does?” Link asked.
“Oh yes. And I bet right now Trunk is trying to get in Emma’s drunken pants again.”
“Ezzy, don’t talk like that,” her father said. He crossed his arms.
“Sorry, Dad. That’s the truth. I bet that’s what’s happening. They’ve been hooking up since last summer.”
Mateo looked at Link. “I apologize for my daughter. Does she always talk like this?”
“Actually,” Link said, smiling, “No. Never.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“But Ezzy’s probably right, Mateo. I bet that’s exactly what Trunk is doing right now. He thinks he can get any girl at school, but it keeps ending up being the same girl every weekend.”
“Maybe Trunk likes this girl, Emma?”
Link and Ezzy laughed out loud.
Mateo shrugged. “Now tell me, what does Lucinda do the Friday night before an election?” He uncrossed his arms.
“Oh,” Ezzy said, “she’s probably at home dressing up for a self-recorded video where she says she can solve all our problems, all caused by the Patriot Party, and especially the problems of people of color and lesbians like me, if only we let her tell everyone how to live. She cares about us, you see.”
Mateo smiled. He looked at Link and said, “Do you sense a little sarcasm in Ezzy’s voice?”
“Yes, sir. I mean, I do, Mateo. Men also force Lucinda to wear makeup.”
Mateo made a faint smile while tilting his head. “I see.”
“She’s not even that pretty,” Ezzy said. “Certainly no Kayla Jennings. I think her whole makeup routine is just a way to get her followers to say she’s pretty while claiming she’s a victim of male oppression.”
“How clever,” Mateo said.
“Anyway,” Ezzy said while yawning, “as exciting as this discussion about Trunk and Lucinda has been, I’m getting up at four to hit the river.”
“Sorry to bore you,” Mateo said. “Let me just ask this one question. What would school life be like depending on which of these narcissists wins?”
“Hmm,” Link said. “Well, I think if Trunk wins, we’ll probably have to hear his obnoxious voice and see his absurd InstaTok posts all the time. He’s made posts making fun of people’s misfortunes and suggested he should be allowed to kneecap people who criticize him.”
“Kneecap?” Mateo asked.
“Trunk has said things like that, Dad. The other day when a few of Lucinda’s Justice girls were singing some ridiculous Justice song they made up just to annoy him, Trunk said they should be tied up and gagged.”
“True story,” Link said. “So basically, if Trunk won, we’d be reminded every day we elected a cretin. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be given power over anything important. I wouldn’t trust him with that unless he decided to listen to people with actual sense. But no one with any sense wants to talk to him. Plus I doubt he’d listen even if they did.”
“And yet Trunk has a following?” Mateo asked.
“I know,” Link said. “It doesn’t make sense. Still, things at school might not be that different. Not the best we could hope for, but not the worst we can imagine. I’d put Lucinda at or near the worst.”
“That’s the Patriot in Link talking,” Ezzy said. “I can’t believe you guys suckered me into staying up. But Dad, Mom told me the school board with Lucinda providing support as president—assuming she wins—plans to ban red meat in the cafeteria. And that’s just the beginning. We also wouldn’t be allowed to warm up our cars in the student parking lot, even in the dead of winter. And police officers wouldn’t be allowed inside the school until there’s already been an emergency.”
“That sounds delightful,” Mateo said.
“Uh, yeah,” Ezzy said. “And who knows what else they might have planned.”